I’m asking some of those ‘big’ questions at the moment; you know, those ones we all ask at some stage in our journey of faith. Will you come through for us Lord? I feel more fearful than faithful – will you still answer me? I haven’t gotten it all right – will your grace still be sufficient in my weakness… and my mistakes?
The last few weeks have been a financial stretch for us. We’ve negotiated some unexpected expenses which have come in during a busy time of the year for our family. There are some things we’ve exceeded our budget in, and others that are simply the pressure of living on one income in a double-income economy.
I’ve tried to keep trusting in God to provide all that we need to live in abundance. It was my hope that He wouldn’t leave us high and dry. I’m still hoping that. My heart has been a little heavy as we haven’t been able to provide for our children in quite the way that our hearts desire to. I’m not ungrateful for what we have, and I feel blessed to be raising and homeschooling our children – even on those more challenging days in our household. 😉
I don’t have the theology thoroughly worked out as to why there is lack in our lives at present. There are plenty of gifted theologians that have debated these issues regarding the level and nature of God’s involvement in mankind for centuries, and they are still not in agreement. I’m quite sure there are others more qualified than me to discuss such things. At present, I don’t want my head spinning in circles trying to work it all out. In saying that however, I do know if I seek him for wisdom He will give it to me. I’m asking Him to lead me through this time so my heart has enough understanding according to what He has determined, and that I grow closer to Him in the process.
What I do know is that I’m responsible for my own heart response. The undeniable truth is that the Father is always good. Always. He is unchanging, sovereign, perfect and lacking in nothing. I can trust His nature and character.
So during these uncomfortable times where discouragement is attempting to take root, what must we do until such time that our circumstances change?
I see an opportunity to trust greater, to grow deeper, and to love faithfully. I find myself counting my blessings, of which there are many. I hear the invitation to always give thanks, and to do so with a cheerful heart. I still feel convinced and unwavering that at all times we should give generously. I will trust His word no matter what.
The story remains unfinished. So while I await evidence of His hand on our lives in this area of provision, I will trust Him and stay true to what I know He is asking of me while our circumstances remain as they are.
…knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.… (James 1:3-5)